Madam Bee

2010-08-22T02:21:00.000-04:00

this blog moved to babybeez.blogspot.com until I can find a better name for it.

So here is what happened

2010-07-08T17:12:00.002-04:00

[theme song] # It's a jungle out there / Disorder and confusion everywhere / No one seems to care / Well I do / Hey, who's in charge here? / It's a jungle out there / Poison in the very air we breathe / Do you know what's in the water that you drink? / Well I do, and it's amazing / People think I'm crazy, 'cause I worry all the time / If you paid attention, you'd be worried too / You better pay attention / Or this world we love so much might just kill you / I could be wrong now, but I don't think so / It's a jungle out there #

Theme song from the Monk. And here is what happened.

Grandma Maria, 84.y.o. cute strong willed lady from Brazil. Conditions: Hypertension, diabetes type II, heart disease (type unknown).
2 days ago her glucose levels went down all day and then dropped to 26! An ambulance ride, ER and 48 hours later she is back to normal and off her diabetes meds.

Back in Brazil Dona Maria used to eat lots of bread, coffee and cuzcuz (a type of corn bread that is very rich in carbs). Her other nutrition source was rice, beans and chicken. Despite the high blood pressure she loved to add salt and fat to her diet.

Coming over here was a big change to her. We made her eat all types of different (vegetarian) food, whole wheat bread, veggies, and we didn't offer any of her daily friends: strong coffee (worse than expresso really), and salt.
She complained daily of this treatment until this episode. She lost a little weight and morned her salt and caffeine.

So now, after this very interesting episode, and after being monitored on the hospital for 48 hours, it seems her glucose levels are lower than they used to be and she can no longer be called diabetic?

She has gastroparesis which makes her not absorve food as fast, so we need to keep an watch on her sugar levels for a while.

The week that started full of drama (well, I'm still recovering), ended well, since all she has to do now is eat what I make her, because is making her better (and don't complain about it grandma!!!). Dometimes to be better you need to be worse first... now that the "sugar-steeler" medication is no longer on her system, she can eat this diet again and preserve her sight and hopefully improve her other symptoms overtime. We are praying about it anyway! God's willing....The next couple days will prove or disprove this theory. I could be wrong now but I don't think so.

Citizenship

2009-10-10T01:31:00.005-04:00

It's done, I'm an american. Man it feels weird to even write this. Am I? What am I?
I read so many posts of immigrants describing how they feel "in the middle of the road"... not fully conecting with the people of their native land, not fully fitting in with the newly embraced country. I never thought I'd feel like that. It's hard to describe exactly what is going on in my heart, but I tell you some ramdom thoughts (it seems is the standard for this blog):
- The other day I watched a brazilian channel online (Globo), and at the time they were telling some jokes, doing some light comedy. I was absolutely offended by the jokes and didn't think it was funny. It's weird, but just a couple years ago I would have laughed, but my view of life has changed (and so much!) and I couldn't, I can't. I just felt like I wanted to throw up when I heard them actually. Weird, very weird feeling that is.
- I still have an accent, there are so many words that I don't know. I still learn new English words every day. And I have been here what? 8 years? I guess when you spend your first 20 or so years in a different land you miss the opportunity to really embrace the whole vocabulary, there is a loss of context. So my peers would have an extra 20 years of English vocabulary and culture that I was not expose to. I don't know. It makes me feel frustrated to sometimes try to communicate my thoughts and being laughed at, or misunderstood, or whatever. People just don't get my thoughts, except when i write them, that seems to make it a bit better, still... who wants to write everything they want to say? Sometimes a thought is so clear on my brain and I try to transmit it... it gets lost and people misunderstand, and then I rephrase, and they go "OH! you meant (fill in the blank)"? I feel ridiculous for not being able to get through to those people the first time around. I'm a speech language pathologist and communication was so easy a decade ago when I did it in Portuguese.
- And because I still have a slight accent and always will have, and because my English is great but not impecable, I feel that I'm different and don't fit in with a lot of people, specially when they start saying stuff about other countries, and saying things like "I know the other people hate us americans" (not true!) or "people should just stop coming to this country" and bla bla bla. I don't know, I feel like the outsider (not all the times but enough that its kind of annoying). and then, when I'm asked "where are you from?". What should I aswer? I feel I'm from everywhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is what is was:
- The test was not bad, although it's true, a lot of native-born americans would not pass this test. And then there was some really nice moments:

1) They offered same day cerimony, which was awesome because I really didnt' want to drive to Pittsburgh twice. Although we loved Pitt, such a lovely place. That was a very pleasant surprise to get there and find out I could just get it all done in one day. Although psychologically I didn't have enough time to prepare being an american this fast. I was told the oath cerimony would only be next year.
2) when I left the interview room and was done with my test, Sara saw me and started to clap and smile and say "Ma". It's like she was really cheering up for me.
3) when I went up front to get my certificate she started saying "ma-ma"... (you know right at that moment when everyone is silent?) it was so cute, like she was saying, "that's my mom!"
4) I'm really happy to be done with paperwork and paying fees (about $700) everytime I needed to renew documents.

But most of all I'm at peace and I'm glad to be an american, and I'm always going to have my brazilian heritage in my heart too. They showed a "God bless America" video and that made me cry. Very corny I am, I know. When I think about America, I'm just so lucky to have my husband and my daughter, I'm thankful for America.

I dream of a nap

2009-08-14T11:06:00.001-04:00

I so want to sleep! Wish I had a good babysitter handy. zzzzz

Today's to-do's.

2009-08-12T01:36:00.003-04:00

Need to:
- Go to farmer's market and get some veggies!!! The only left thing in our garden is turnips and green peppers - there is nothing healthy in the fridge.
- Plan menu for the week.
- Pay bills, plan for the next couple months, balance check books.
- Start making materials for homeschooling.
- Clean this whole house with a toothbrush in prepation for possible show/sale.
- Price equipment to start my business.
- Try to get some sleep. Try to eat something during the day, this lack of sleep and nutrition is starting to make me cranky (PPD?).
- Substitute chocolate for exercise. (same above)
- Start taking my temperature daily.
- Oh, yeah... and take care of the almost 7 month old.

So if the last item on my item cooperates an stops growing teeth overnight, meaning, if there is less fussiness I'll try to accomplish the other items on the list. Otherwise, forget it. I should probably be sleeping.

Day 3 - Support!

2009-06-28T01:38:00.004-04:00

So amazing how God know exactly what one needs, before one even asks for it. And how He answer prayers exactly at the time you need. And even some prayers from long ago?

I was at potluck today completely distracted with baby in hands, when I spotted this lady being surround by other people that were aparently surprised she had a tomato, an avocado & some other food on her plate. I heard:
- Is that all your going to eat? You're not going to eat anything we cooked?

My thoughts were: No way! she is going raw!? awesome, we need to talk. To make a story short she is going raw and had prayed for support. And as you all know I'm just starting my own raw journey (baby steps, though)... it was a great feeling to find someone else with a similar thought... it just made my day actually. We've decided to support each other, so I think I made a new friend at my own church!

So Day 3 was successful... I started a support system and drank plenty of water. Yes, people, my days are not exactly one after the other, I'm skipping a day or two. I'm giving myself time and space, and I'll go one day at a time to reach my final goal (see day one for optional vision of who I want to be).

That being said, Sunday is the family reunion and my goals for today are:

- Drink lots of water, more than yesterday.
- Eat 5 raw things.

ps. I'm also recruiting my friend Keiko to go over the raw food materials. Hopefully she will find some time between doing all she does (doctorate, toddler, newborn, husband, house, etc).

Day 2 - despite the trip

2009-06-26T00:37:00.002-04:00

Despite taking a trip to connecticut, I did day 2, and all was great: lots of raw food. We happen to go to a buffet for dinner on our way there, and surprisingly all I could take was raw food, everything else seemed icky.

Then there was the weekend: Saturday, went to a Brazilian Church, my mom got a place because I was feeding the baby... it was a load of carbs and cook food, not one single lettuce leaf, nothing green or uncooked. Delicious food, yes, but nothing raw.
I think that's where the emotional connection to food comes into place. I knew it was bad food and I still had it because it was brazilian food and I just HAD to have it. So that brings me to the topic of trigger foods. What are my trigger foods? anything brazilian, specially chocolate. On the way back I ate a whole bag of "passatempo" cookies... mmm... delicious.

Ok, but the worst thing about the trip to Connecticut was the trip in itself. It was so hard to have the baby in the car crying, and communicating she needed to go to the bathroom (and we couldn't stop every 30 minutes)... that I was exhausted Monday, till now... and tomorrow (soon anyway) it's the weekend again, and there is potluck and a family picnic. The point of this diary thing is not to give up though... so I hope to keep going.

Day 1 - Inspiration

2009-06-18T00:24:00.002-04:00

Today I:
- Ate 2 raw things: a green herb that I can't remember the name and goji berries.
- Made a concious effort (not so great though) of drinking water.

Goals for tomorrow:
- Plan a menu, drink more water, eat 3 raw things.

1 a.m. again, gotta rest.

Challenge - and a post that does not make sense

2009-06-17T00:39:00.006-04:00

Last time I stepped on a scale I lost 40 lbs. To be honest, it was not that impressive: 20 lbs ?? during the birth of my daughter and the next 20 by breastfeeding. Now, 40 lbs later I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight and have a little lovely pouch on my mid section, extra tissue in my tights, arms, etc. I'll stop the description here, since I don't want anyone to imagine me without clothes. That's not the points of this. The point of this post is that I am still 50 lbs heavier than 7 years ago when I stepped foot at JFK and had no idea what Bloomsburg would look like. And I have arthritis.

Just 7 years ago, I spoke Portuguese 99% of the time. I had no way of imagining I would meet the love of my live in a country town, and live where people ride buggies everyday. I took the public transportation (read crowded bus) to school and work. Rewind. Just 7 years ago I remember walking down from the university campus apartments to the Bloomsburg Hospital - to observe my supervisor testing babies' hearing. The supervisor had asked me if I planed to have babies, and I answered: no, there are too many babies in this world, if anything I'd adopt. I had no idea I would give birth to a beautiful baby girl, 7 years later on the same floor, just doors away from the same place. I didn't know It would take me longer to finish the only thing I though I was going to be doing here: my master's in Audiology. The master's turned out to be a doctorate, and 7 years later - here I am. With a doctorate, but really, right now my daughter is my world and what I thought would be my main goal - it's my secondary (and still worth pursuing of) goal.

But the point of this post is to write down my first step to rewinding a bit, and recovering some things that do not need to be lost. I mean: health, good shape, an arthritis-free body? (that would be lovely!), free & clear mind (I feel really cloudy lately), and maybe less pain (OK, arthritis again!).

I want to be able to run and be physically active. I'm 30 years old and I feel I'm 60. My beautiful Sara is starting to become more and more mobile... how in the world am I going to be able to keep up with her in this crippled body?

I wish I could write this post in Portuguese too, but the reality of it is I write English everyday and I have very little time (it's 1 am and I need sleep), and translating would be too much work. So English it is.

Yes, if this post makes no sense it's because I AM rambling, and organizing my thoughts.
Because I started so many "diets" before (I have a diary full of tries that just brought my weight higher and higher up)... I think it would be a good idea to have some accountability to my actions by posting... well, online. So, maybe a kind soul would read it and cheer me up on the way, or even shame me for my bad choices? I don't know. I want to try.

Fact #1. I bought an online raw food lifestyle plan, with information on raw foods and weight loss.
(http://www.rawreform.com/). I'll tell you upfront I will not be 100% raw food, but I'm aiming for a higher rate than currently (amazing, but this week I had almost nothing raw!)...After reading several articles and watching some of their TV shows on youtube, I know a lot of their principles are the exact same ones I had 7 years ago, when I was a vegetarian and very conscious of my health.

So here I am, day one. I need to answer some questions, brainstorm and set a goal for my life.

Questions:
What am I doing here? What is my mission in life? What is my optimal vision of who I want to be? What motivates me? What is my bliss in life? What I want to be doing? Where do I want to be living? What does the ultimate me looks like? What is your relationship with food?

And here are the answers:
I am a daughter of God. My mission in life is to learn, to submit myself to His will - to hopefully reflect my creator to those around me, to guide with love and compassion the kids He entrusted me with. My main mission is to be in heaven one day, to serve and praise God, and hopefully help others to walk the same path. The optimal vision of who I want to be includes: a good wife & mother. I also want to help my community - whether with music, audiology, sign language, foreign languages, whatever.
My motivation is love. I love my God, my husband, my family. I want to be good, I want to be just a foreigner in this world. I dislike evil. The ultimate me looks healthy, and even though my current relationship with food is not healthy I want to be able to not put food above any of those previously mentioned goals. I want to break the chains of refined sugar and flour/starches and go back to being so close to God. I believe there is a cloud that has been disrupting me from seeing all my goals, and with the power of God this chain can be broken. And to be clear the cloud is not food, but food contributes to it. It's like I'm being distracted. I want to be focused again.
And I know that, to accomplish this, I need the power of prayer in my life. I can't believe I have skipped praying. My soul is starving. I pray that whoever is reading this would also decide to re-evaluate their mission in this world, and ask for God's help to accomplish it.
I'm off to bed, tomorrow I'll write more.

meme

2009-02-15T13:30:00.001-05:00

I've seen this at mamaintranslation blog.

♥ What are your middle names?
Mine is my mom's maiden name, his is Douglas.

♥ How long have you been together?
Almost 3 years.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
5 months

♥ Who asked who out?
He did.

♥Who said I love you first?
He did when I asked him: What is going on? tell me what is on your mind.
It took me a couple months to tell him, but saying I love you was a huge deal. I wasn't used to ever say that, even to my parents.

♥ How old are each of you?
I'm 30, He is 40.

♥ Whose siblings do/did you see the most?
His, mine are all in Brazil.

♥ Do you have any children together?
she, our baby Bee, sweat little princess.

♥ What about pets?
Mozart the crazy dog.

♥ Did you go to the same schools?
nope.

♥ Are you from the same hometown?
not even the same country.

♥ Who is the smartest?
I used to think I was.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
He is.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We like Panera Bread... Thai restaurant... mmm, so many nice places.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
California, on our honeymoon.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
me! hands down... I'm so bad.

♥ Who does the cooking?
We both cook, but since I'm home I try to do most of it. Except when I was pregnant and now of course, with a newborn... lol... he does cook in those times of need.

♥Who is the most social?
He is. I don't do very well with people. I really like my quiet, alone time. With a few exceptions.

♥ Who is the neat-freak?
We like to keep it clean, or make a big mess. No, seriously, we would like to have a tidy place, but always end up making a mess.

♥ Who is the most stubborn?
We are equally stubborn.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
He does..

♥ Where was your first date?
Rollerskating.

♥Who has the bigger family?
I do, 3 brothers, 2 sisters. He has 2 brothers.

♥Do you get flowers often?
Not very often,

♥ Who do you spend the holidays with?
His family.

♥Who does/did the laundry?
we both do it.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
I am...

♥ Who drives when you are together?
He drives. I hate driving.

♥ Who picks where you go to dinner?
he always wants me to pick...

♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
we're both stubborn, so that's a hard one.

♥ Who named your pet?
I did with the help of the kids.

♥ Who wears the pants in the relationship?
We share decisions, I don't think one is the boss of the other...

♥ Who has more tattoos?
none of us.

♥ Who eats more sweets?
I do!!!

♥ Who cries more?
I cry more.

♥ Are you still together?
obviously.

Still waiting for Baby bee

2009-01-03T01:40:00.002-05:00

I guess I'm going to be posting a lot on the blog over there... but my due date is Sunday and I don't feel baby is coming out quite yet.

2008-12-21T01:32:00.000-05:00

Knowledge I have... but the courage... mmm not sure, will have to see. God help me.

You have 92% of the knowledge you need to give birth the way your

Hello Birth Warrior! You question everything you're told about birth and there is no doubt that the birth your baby has will be the best possible birth you can give. You're not afraid of doctors or the word "no" and you keep pushing until you get the results you want.

Do you know how to give birth?
Take More Quizzes

I did it!

2008-10-23T18:04:00.002-04:00

Passed the thesis defense... Just need to submit corrections and will be all done! Praise the Lord!

Bummer!

2008-10-14T12:57:00.002-04:00

noooooo! I'm going to have to reschedule my defense... one of the members of my commeettee never got the "memo" about this Thurday's date... so maybe next Thursday...??? There is a right time for everything...

Defense next Thursday!!!!

2008-10-09T10:19:00.000-04:00

Finally!!!

I've got the OK to defend my thesis next Thursday October 16, 2 pm...
ohhh pray for me! Six years later, I'm looking forward to be Dr. poetryofsound!!!

I'm working on some corrections, doing more proofreading and putting my power point presentation together...

2008-07-28T22:33:00.000-04:00

2 years

2008-07-11T12:33:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it, 2 years.

They weren't easy years, due to external factors.

But despite all trials, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

God had indeed prepared this special person to be there for me, and I've been here for him.

I'm very thankful.

Little joke

2008-07-10T14:03:00.000-04:00

MOTHERS MILK
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.The last question was:'Name seven advantages of 'Mothers Milk.'Worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, who had partied late the night before, was frustrated to think of seven advantages.He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always at the right temperature.
4. It is inexpensive.
5. It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6. It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang, indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7. It comes in such cute containers.
He got an 'A'.

Prayer time

2008-04-28T16:23:00.002-04:00

I just sent an email to my committee. I pray they accept the thesis for defense. I still have to work on chapter 2, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get this done in the next 20 days...

He giveth power to the faint; and to [them that have] no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:29-31

Proofreading help anyone?

2008-04-23T05:12:00.004-04:00

Last night the drink was not enough to keep me awake. But I tried again tonight (citrus). It's 5:12 am and I'm not in bed yet and won't be until I finish writing everything I need to. Anyone of you internet friends interested on reading an audiology paper? I need some proofreading help. Pretty please with sugar on top? I expect to be done in the next 12 hours and need this back as soon as possible (I'm easy, ain't I?)

No kidding

2008-04-21T22:49:00.002-04:00

Had Chinese for lunch the other day, my cookie had a little message:

"Your love for the writing language shows. One day you will write a book".

No kidding and the books is being written right now. However, I'm not sure about the love of writing language part. It used to be, I could right anything and not be afraid of it. I could.

Anyway, having my AMP "focus" blast of mixed berry drink (not pictured). I'm not trying to do a commercial for them, but they are pretty good to keep me awake. Hope it gives me enough energy to be awake all night. I've set a personal goal of being done on Wednesday. I hope this time this will be accomplished.

Thank you for your nice comments, it meant a lot to me!

Help

2008-04-17T21:54:00.002-04:00

Writing a thesis is not easy task. But worse is the guilt of not writing the thesis.
I want to do it. Why don't I? I think about it ALL. THE. TIME.
I just bought an "Amp" Energy overdrive drink, and I'll be taking it all down tonight. I plan to spend the night working on it, but honestly I don't know if I can. Help, Lord. I need to finish this thing, but there is a big cloud on my brain. Please take it away.

"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

I understand the cartoon bellow is about menopause, but it expresses exactly what I feel.

4:04 am

2008-04-05T03:04:00.002-04:00

and I'm just done talking with my brother. There has been research on sibling relationship, and it seems that is one of the closest relationship one can have. We shared the same womb, had the same experiences growing up, lost our dad, our DNA is as similar as it can be (more than one parent since we have genes from both our parents). It's very nice to have a sibling. I'm thankful for my brother Junior. I pray and hope God will bless his life with a happy family one day, faith, hope and love.

Acupunture

2008-04-03T00:38:00.002-04:00

I decided to try it, my aunt just come back from China where she specialized further in chinese medicine. I was skeptic. The idea of having needles through my skin was not very pleasant. But I decided to try anyhow. It was weird how those little needles work...In the first session I could feel my tendinitis working towards healing. I feel so much better. I wasn't expecting that. After 4 sessions, I relearned to relax.
Yesterday, while working on my "sadness and stress" channels, I could tell you the thing worked. My soul was washed in tears.
I wept and wept, and wept. Then I prayed, and prayed, and prayed until I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I felt that I huge burden was taken from my chest and I felt lighter. Don't know if it was the needles, or the prayers or a combination of both. But I'm ready for new adventures. And now I feel renewed.

2008-02-11T23:55:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged for so long! You know. God is good, His mercy, His grace will last forever. Our problem is not solved yet... but in God's time it is. Praise the Lord.

Faz tempao que nao escrevo. Sabe. Deus 'e bom, sua misericoria, sua gracao, duram para sempre. Nosso problema nao foi solucionado ainda... mas no tempo de Deus ja' foi sim. Louve ao Senhor.

Prayers needed please

2007-05-10T08:02:00.000-04:00

Our family is going through hell on earth right now. Please pray. I even had to postpone my final test. I can't disclose the details, but I need you to pray.

Nossa family esta' passando por grandes dificuldades hoje. Por favor ore. tive ate' que adiar meu teste na escola. Nao posso revelar os detalhes, mas por favor, ore.

Volto no final de Maio - Be back at the end of May

2007-04-29T22:24:00.000-04:00

kay... I'm working on the thesis and on the neuro class. I'll be back when this is done. Please pray with me. I want to be done once and for all!!

entao... tou escrevendo a tese e estudando neuro. Volto aqui so' quando tiver terminado. Por favor ore por mim. Quero terminar esse negocio agora de verdade!

Posts from now now in English and Portuguese (green) - De agora em diante posts em Ingles e Portugues (verde)

2007-02-15T14:04:00.000-05:00

Snowy day! I looooove the snow. The kids have been home for 2 days, school was cancelled. They've been out playing in the snow, playing in the snow, playing in the snow. My heart says: man you guys are gonna get sick! But it seems those little natives are immune to this chilly land. Not only they enjoy it, their hands and feet don't even loose their sensations like mine - imagine that. Oh well, I make sure they have an extra coat just in case.
Dia cheio de neve! Eu amoooooo a neve. As criancas tao estao em casa ja' fazem 2 dias, as aulas foram cancelados por causa da neve. Ele estao brincando na neve, brincando na neve, brincando na neve. Meu coracao diz: cara, voces vao ficar doentes ja' ja'! Mas parece que eles nativozinhos sao imunes ao frio dessa terra. Nao somente adoram, mas seus pes e maos nao perdem a sensacao de tato, como acontece comigo - imagina. Ah entao, mesmo assim eu tento faze-los usar um casaco extra.

taking about kids I started another blog - baby Beez (see the sidebar). It seems we will go ahead and pursue vasectomy reversal after all. fingers crossed. It's in English so far, and I had a famous author be the first one to comment (Ann D wrote "mother of all pregnancy")! So cool.
falando em criancas, eu criei um outro blog - Bebe Beez (ao lado direito da pagina). Parece que afinal de contas vamos fazer a reversao da vasectomia. dedos cruzados. Estao em ingles por enquanto, mas tou traduzindo aos poucos... e o primeiro comentario da pagina foi de uma autora famosa (Ann D que escreveu "Mae de todas, Gravidez")! Muito legal.

Ok, back to real life.
Entao ta', de volta a vida real.

Under the Weather

2007-01-22T19:47:00.000-05:00

What a weird day. Lovely weather.

So this is what is up in my life... and here is the truth.

I didn't want to post anything.

I hate to be negative, so I rather not say anything - than to say something that will make anyone be a little blue. But it happens that today, as I looked at the snow, falling, so calm and serene... I decided I am who I am, and I have to update this blog. No matter what's happening with me.
I'm back on campus, at Bloomsburg University, to take my neurophys class.
Yes, the class I took in Detroit, and that I paid thousand of dollars for, and that I thought I did imensilly well - well, that class could not be transferred to BU. I am happy I took the molecular neuropsychopharmacology class - I'm proud of it, and I think that was a blessing in itself.
It could not be transfered because BU does not accept classes that have a grade lesser than a "B".
Well, I got a B-, and I had no idea of this rule, since for my program Bs are accepted and welcomed. My professor, back in Detroit gave an option to bump my grade up by writing an extra paper, which could have resulted in a even better grade, but I declined... at the time, not knowing I would regreat it later... at the time I thought to myself... with so many things going on, I rather spend time on other projects... I already reached my goal of passing the class. There was NAFDA, externship, wedding planning, stepmotherhood prospect.

But I decided I reached my goal. To my surprise after my graduation, I received a letter from the graduate office saying my class couldn't be transfered... so here I am... again... at BU.
I thought I would hate to step on campus again... but no.
The gentle fall of the snow tonight... walking into the library and smelling books and newspapers, familiar buildings, my locker, it makes me feel secure... happy and fulfilled. I'm glad to be back.

so much for classes. What about jobs? Man I have to say that from all the jobs I've done in the past, and I did a lot of jobs from teaching to being a secretary...audiology extern...
keeping up with stepmotherhood is not easy. I've been so busy with Laundy, cooking, planning, balancing finances, and trying to teach manners to a not very anxious-to-learn crowd... that I have to say this. God only knows what I was thinking. I don't say this in a bad way. I do love my life, but I don't know how I did not think that it would be the hardest job I have ever done.
Dealing with the kids are not bad, they are actually very pleasant 80% of the time... and wonderful at times. Actually amazing when I least expect it.

Dealing with their mother, the ex - that's a challenge. To make a story short, I can understand why the judge allowed her kids to be with my husband almost 100% of the time. I feel bad for the kids for having a mom like this.

So... this is how life has been on this side of the screen. Kids, school, and work. Research.
Trying to understand family law (specially custody, and divorce laws).
I'm working as a pianist, call center operator, and much more.

I'm happy. I wonder where I will be in a couple months... and what the weather will be like. There is a time, and a weather... for everything.

To my dad, lost in time, October 13, 2000

2006-10-13T22:55:00.000-04:00

Fading away in my thoughts..
I wonder if I still remember.
The scratchy voice,
breath of coffee
Rotten smell of cigarettes
on the old winter coat.
It's been 6 years today.
I still remember.
That last hug on the airport
then later
I yelled at you for calling me
I was busy
In New York City.
I said, I am doing fine Dad.
I know, I know, I know.
But I didn't.
I wish
that last hug on the airport would last forever
I wish your scratchy voice would be the one
to give me away last Summer
If I could
I'd smell the coffee in your breath,
Marlboro with no filter on your skin, and
the old old winter coat .

sleepless

2006-09-09T03:45:00.001-04:00

it's 3:39 am.
I am typing... wide awake, while my dear husband snores (yes, he does).
could not get any sleep since what happened today. A dear friend's daughter (cutest girl ever, and minor) got romantic involved with our 43 y.o. best family male friend. Today when confrontated about this the guy said:
- I am flattered (she has a crush on me)
- you don't understand.
no regrets, no aparent feelings.
we are all heartbroken. her parents are devastaded. she also says that we don't understand.

my question is: when do you have a goodnight sleep after you become a parent?
I worry so much about them. I pray God will watch their steps and strenghten their faith.

E' 3:45 da manha.
Escrevendo... sem sono por aqui, enquanto meu maridao ronca por ali (sim, ele mesmo).
nao deu pra dormir com o que aconteceu hoje. A filha da minha amiga (adoravel, mas menor de idade) esta' tendo um caso com um amigo da nossa family, de 43 anos. Hoje, quando o confrontamos ele falou:
- Me sinto privilegiado (porque ele esta' apaixonada)
- Voces nao entendem.
Sem arrependimentos, sem sentimentos aparente.
Estamos arrasados. Os pais dela estao devastados. Ela tambem falou que nos nao entendemos.

minha pergunta e': quando e' que voce tem oportunidade de dormir uma noite inteirinha depois de se tornar pai ou mae? me preocupo tanto com eles. Oro pra que Deus guie seus passos e lhes fortaleca a fe'.

The baby question

2006-09-07T12:24:00.000-04:00

Every newlywed gets the baby question.
Naturally. In spite of being a wicked stepmother, married to a man that has 2 children and 2 stepchildren, I was surprise to get the question myself. A relative of mine called me a couple of weeks ago to congratulate for the wedding and first words out of his mouth were not: hey Lucy, how are you?
nope.
instead:
- When is the baby coming?

My mother, has already voluntered to come live with us and babysit for me while I work. What? Babysit who? which baby is she talking about?

It is true that when I was younger I thought to myself: I am NOT having a baby. I'll run around the world and visit every Country instead. I'll be smart, and work on some worthy cause (like being missionary in Australia, as I applied to and got rejected BTW). I thought, there are enough kids in the world. Enough putting kids on Earth to suffer. Not me. I don't even want to get married. One day, maybe If I am well off, if I get the baby fever I'll adopt some kid that needs a place to stay and arms to hug them. That's it.
Well.

Between those thoughts and the time I met Mr. Bee, a lot has been added to my resume:

that reads: Teacher assitant for 4th grade (about 45 kids in a class) for 3 years, babysitter of newborns / toddlers / special needs , children's choir director, children's music teacher, children's tutor, children's psychology & development classes, several pediatric/medicine classes and of course I'm their friend and buddy too.

To top all that, my dad passed away. See poem. So here I am today, a 45 years old woman, on the body a a 27 y.o. Not only married but already a bunch of kid's/bonus mother some would say. Not only I want a baby, but I think I need one. But I'm not sure I'll ever have one. I'll explain.

Before Mr. Bee and I decided to tie the knot, we talked about mostly everything. Retiring (yes we went that far), the economy & our financial life, ideal relationship, our favorite music, and of course the baby question.

Our general wish is that YES we would like to have a baby. But NO we don't know if we will ever be able to have one together. At this point we are infertile. The possibilities of conception would be remote WITH the aid of ten thousands of dollars (which of course don't have). It would take months of wait and prayers and maybe (notice I said maybe) we'll be able to add a baby to our bonus family.

If that does not happen, We'll learn to be contempt with what we have.
We might or might not adopt a child. We definetely would like to foster some one in need. But at this point I'm happy (or will learn to be) with whoever it is that God sends my way. That's why when we took our vows, we really meant it. We are together no matter what or who will be around the two of us. That's a blessing that I'm thankful for and still, overwhelmed.

Do you ever feel invisible?

2006-09-06T17:49:00.000-04:00

I do.
I'm sure a lot of mom's can relate to that.
A stepmother though, it's a "half" mom, right?
You cook, clean, do the laundry, fix their hair, worry about their school assignment and papers. Their dentist appointment, their swimming lessons. When is picture day? Do they have proper clothes for church? What should I do for dinner. They don't like tomatoes. After a 19 hour day, you rest. the next day, a brand new day. Cook, clean, do the laundry, fix their hair, worry, plan, help with homework. They get home, ignore you, give you an attitude. After all, you are not their mother. You are the wicked stepmother.

The wedding, o casamento

2006-08-28T13:51:00.000-04:00

HOW could I possibly describe the wedding day?
All I can say is... I was never this emotional, rational, and spiritually involved with one person, in this entire universe.
All I can say is... I'm lucky, and in love, and my life has been upside down trying to adapt to the new life.
I am now Madam Bee, wife, mother and friend.
God saved the best for me... I'm glad I waited this long. I'll post more soon.

fotos : http://www.madambee.shutterfly.com

Como eu poderia descrever o dia do nosso casamento...
Tudo o que posso dizer e'... que eu nunca na vida estive tao emocional, racional, espirituallment envolvida com uma pessoa nesse universo inteiro.
Tudo o que posso dizer e'... Tenho sorte, estou apaixonada, e minha vida esta' de cabeca pra baixo tentando me adaptar a minha nova vida. Agora sou Madam Bee. Esposa, mae e amiga. Deus guardou o melhor pra mim... estou feliz de ter esperado tanto. Voltarei aqui mais tarde pra te contar mais detalhes.

testinho, test

2006-08-16T17:09:00.000-04:00

aparently I'm not logical... I knew! lol

Your IQ Is 130

Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

the results are in (visas interview) RESULTADOS da entrevista de vistos

2006-06-29T17:47:00.000-04:00

My sister Percela is coming! (I cry with happiness)
My brother Junior is not coming! (I cry with sadness)

Minha irma Percela vem! (choro de alegria)
Meu irmao Junior nao vem! (choro de tristeza!)

More wedding drama

2006-06-27T09:35:00.000-04:00

5 days left!
and... my sister and brother's visa were denied... I'm so upset about this situation... they both come here before and they have no intentions to staying in this country... they just want to be here for my special day!
So... I wrote a congressman, and finally, after waiting for 10 days...e the embassy reschedule my sister's interview wednesday... but no word regarding my brother!!! I pray they will both be here!!
I need them here!
my older brother is coming from Japan on Thursday!
I have so many little surprises reserved for my wedding I don't want to spoil the surprises by telling them here, but I'll update after I'm oficially Mrs. Corbin!
so much to do:
SHOP SHOP SHOP for wedding supplies, flower, and book a honeymoon!!! I still don't know where we are going!
the house is not completely ready and my relatives are coming in a couple of days!!!
oh my good Lord, I pray this whole thing will go well... specially for Percela and Junior at the embassy...
He is a Mighty God, and can be done if that is his will...hugs to all!
Faltam 5 dias...
e... o visto da minha irma e irmao fora negados!!! nao entendemos como, pois eles vieram aqui antes, tudo certinho... mas... enfim, escrevi pra um senador e ele escreveu pra embaixada e finalmente (depois de 10 dias de espera) a embaixada remarcou um entrevista amanha pra Percela, mas nao pro Junior... ai, espero e oro pra que ambos venham!!! preciso deles aqui nesse dia!!! meu irmao mais velho que mora no Japao vai chegar na quinta feira, espero que tb nao tenha problema com a embaixada... planejei muitas surpresas para o casamento, mas nao vou revela-las agora, somente depois de casada! :-) tenho tantas coisas pra fazer hoje: compras compras compras... coisas pro casamento, flores... e reservar a lua-de-mel!! Ainda nao sei pra onde vou. A reforma da casa nao esta' terminada e meus parentes chegam daqui ha' uns dias!!! Oh Senhor, oro pra que tudo de certo... especialmente pra Percela e pro Junior na embaixada... Ele e' um Deus poderoso, e pode ser feito se for da vontade dele... um abraco pessoal!

Violence and attacks in Sao Paulo, violencia e ataques em Sao Paulo

2006-05-17T11:22:00.000-04:00

Esse foto aqui foi tirada no terminal capelinha, onde eu peguei muito onibus quando em Sao Paulo. Minha irma me contou das tragedias que ocorreram nesse fim-de-semana... eu nao tinha ideia ate' dar uma passadinha no blog do Marcao, e dai parar no site da Folha de Sao Paulo, e no Estadao. Essa foto acima do estadao, mostra um povo que mesmo em meio de tanta tragedia... ainda da' risada e sorri pra fotografia do jornal. Se fosse aqui, todo mundo taria com cara de tacho, sofrendo de stress pos traumatico.
111 onibus encendiados, 53 pessoas assassinadas, comercio fechado, ameacas e ameacas... e eu aqui, alheia a isso, preocupada com o casamento. Me sinto um bebe chorao, isso me ensina a nunca deixar de acompanhar os jornais. Nao sei o que aconteceu, fiquei tao envolvida em tese, graduacao, casamento que nao leio jornal, ja' faz um ano...
um oracao de comforto as familias... um abraco pros amigos distantes...
como diz aquela musica, Gente Humilde... "da uma vontade de chorar". This picture was taken at the Capelinha Bus Station, where I got many buses while in Sao Paulo. My sister told me about the attacks in tragedy to the city last weekend, but I didn't realize how severe it was, till I start browsing, Marcao's blog, and then, going to the website for the main Sao Paulo newspapers...This picture (above) show the people of a place that is being under attack, and if you notice, they are laughing, and smiling... If the same would happen here... people would put a "suffering face mask" on, and say they have post-traumatic stress disorder. Now imagine this: 111 public transportation buses, were destroyed and burned to dust, 53 people were murdered, stores were closed, attacks and intends of attacks all that in one city... and I was here, not even a clue this was happening, worried about my wedding. I feel like a cry baby. This tells me to NEVER ever stop looking at newspapers... I don't know what happened, but between thesis, graduation, wedding... it's been almost one year that I haven't seen a brazilian newspaper...a prayer of comfort for the families... a hug to all the distant friends, like that music "Humble People"... "When I think about my people...I feel like crying "... I'll post the song later if I find it...

2006-05-10T01:37:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to find a way to webcast my wedding on the internet...
you know, I miss my friends from Brazil soooo much! I wish they could be here for the wedding. I wish Kelli, and Keyla, Luciana, Karen and Karin would be here. They would be my bridesmaids... If I was in Brazil...
I wish my dad was here too. I know, I'm a little nostalgic today... I was not going to post, but blogging let's your get this out of your system, you know? ok. I feel better now.
Tou tentando achar um jeito de transmitir meu casamento pela internet pros amigos...
sabe, eu sinto tanta saudade dos amigos do Brasil! Queria que eles pudessem vir pro casamento.
Queria que a Kelli, Keyla, Luciana, Karen e Karin pudessem vir aqui. Se eu pudesse escolher, e fosse mais facil elas seriam minhas madrinhas... se eu estivesse no Brazil...
Queria que meu pai estive assim tambem. Eu sei, estou meio nostalgica hoje... nao ia nem publicar isso aqui, mas sabe... escrever aqui no blog as vezes ajuda a botar isso fora do coracao...
ok. me sinto melhor agora.

2006-05-08T02:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to My Brother Junior! He is ... well let me think I'm 27... ? am I 27? i think so...so he is 24!!!!
Parabens pro meu irmao, Juninho!!!! Eu tenho 27 anos... eu acho... 27? acho que sim... entao ele tem 24!!!!

I think I'll be broadcasting my wedding on the internet!!!! Not sure where or how, but I've just did 6 hours of research on it, it will work!!! Yey!

Acho que vou transmitir meu casamento na internet!!! Nao tenho bem certeza "como" e "onde", mas acabei de fazer 6 horas de pesquisa no assunto, e vai funcionar!!!! Eba!

2006-05-07T20:00:00.000-04:00

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my Family - Para a minha familia...

2006-04-23T04:27:00.000-04:00

Since my brother is in Japan... I thought I'd post this video here...no connections, really! just for fun...
Ja' que meu irmao estao no Japao... decidi poster esse video aqui.... sem coneccoes, pessoal... so' pra dar risada...

The first - O primeiro

2006-04-17T02:00:00.000-04:00

And the first post goes to...Mr. Bee-my-husband. For making me smile, for hours. I was sick, tired, and had a long flight home. He showed up at the airpoirt like this... From that moment on, I became Madam Bee.
E o primeiro post vai para...Mr. Bee-my-husband. Por me fazer sorrir, por horas. Eu estava doente, cansada e tive um voo longo e enjoative. Ele apareceu no aeroporto assim... eu me tornei a partir de entao, Madam Bee.